- By Jasvir Biriah
- May 04, 2020
- 8 mins
originally written in May 2020
I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental like on a breeze. But I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time.
Forest Gump is one of my all-time favourite movies and I've re-watched it with my wife and children many times over. The messages in the movie never get tiring.
The film teaches us about family, friendships, unconditional love, building trust, and human perseverance through adversity, besides many other unique qualities Tom Hanks shows throughout the movie.
We're currently living through a pandemic, and naturally, routines have changed, there is more time than usual and I've already watched the movie with my family a few times this year. Recently, the ending scene got me thinking about fate, destiny and the idea of serendipity and free will in our own lives, 'how the hell did I get here?' Was it all by 'choice or chance?' or maybe both? So I wanted to put my thoughts down on paper so I can capture my thinking on this very important topic of friendships. I hope my children get a chance to read this perspective back one day.
Way back to the school days
When we are young there is never much thought about who we gravitate towards at school, it just seems to happen as if 'a feather is floating on a breeze'. It's like a big bang, but eventually amongst the chaos the planets do align and carry some form of order. One thing is for sure, we become who we are because of the people we spend time with, and the environment in which we spend our formative years tends to be what nurtures our minds.
Besides the influence of our parents and siblings, quality friendships have an extraordinary impact on our lives, shaping our perspectives, values, and character over time. Among the many forms of friendship, they all seem to offer a nurturing quality, and I don't find it ironic that we gravitate towards similar people who are 'cut from the same cloth' as it were.
My concept of friendship has evolved over time, and I've come to learn that friendships can come in many different forms. It all depends on the individual's life experiences and circumstances. It can be people you've grown up with. It can come from a relationship with your parents or siblings, a partner, or even people you have met in the course of work and life. Anyone who brings a sense of depth and contentment to your life could define the idea of 'friendship', it's certainly not a linear equation like I used to think.
In my case, I've been fortunate to have friends since my school days whom I've shared decades of life experiences with, and I've also been privileged to learn from a few extremely influential peers who have brought depth to my working life too.
As I write and unpack the idea of what 'friendships' mean to me it's become a poignant reminder of what's important in both my personal and working life. Not only does it remind me of where I enjoy investing my time, but it also reminds me of who I enjoy investing it with. 'The investment of time' and the 'investment of capital' have shared underlying themes running through them. Maybe these universal truths are what push me to become a better investor, but also push me to be a better friend, son, sibling, father and husband.
Memories - Insider Jokes and Laughter
I'm sure we've all had those incredibly funny moments of spending time with lifelong friends, with years of inside jokes and references to the good times and the bad. The type of chat that often makes communication unintelligible to outsiders listening in. This is a shared language of sorts, and maybe this is a starting point to what makes friendships tick and last.
It's the intangible 'stuff' that's never talked about or questioned. There are shared experiences and growth stories over many years, and it's something that can't be measured or erased from the mind as it binds people forever, regardless of the time spent apart as we get older.
A crowd is never company
On reflection, with age I've found myself living these simple principles across my personal, business and investing life too, I choose to live this in real-time so I can insulate the quality of every person I interact with. Every touch point in life must have a purpose. It points to the idea of 'insulating time' and 'time being a privilege', and this means gifting time wisely and feeling contented when doing so. As opposed to spreading thinly across a plethora of commitments I can only give the average of myself, and you'll most likely be getting average back. Who wants average as a default setting as we wander through life? Personally speaking, it feels disingenuous to float along like this. Just the thought of giving a part myself over many instances becomes meaningless over time for everyone involved, and more importantly, it robs the 'normal time' that could be invested into what 'really' matters.
It's akin to the financial term called 'diversification'. Spreading thinly may give a sense of safety and purpose, but there is fragility and we could be kidding ourselves in the process.
What about concentrated meaningful efforts and not giving time away so cheaply? This isn't ego talking, it's insulating the sanctity of time, but I understand, it can't be for everyone to live this way and it's a choice of how one cuts their time into pieces. But it's sure worth reflecting on how we spend our time, after all, it's finite.
The counter position to 'diversification' is the idea of 'concentration'. Concentration in investing can be reasoned and it doesn't have to be reckless, in fact, it's a cleverly engineered situation with many small inputs. This is a bit like meaningful friendships, they are a combination of many highly concentrated efforts and undivided attention over many situations. The intention behind one's time and the goodwill we give away compounds over time too. This means 'really' being present with clear intentions in that particular moment, not spreading thinly for convenience as if you were ticking a box on your to-do list. For me, this is the place I feel most contented, these concentrated efforts leave a lasting impact on those that you are present for, and I also walk away energised in the process. This is perpetual motion personified, a monster feedback loop that truly feeds the soul. These are the meaningful episodes that get tattooed in the mind with high-quality friends, whilst the others fizzle away into the cosmos as if they never happened in the first place. Let's face it, we've all been there.
So, what are my ten life lessons from Friendships:
Good friends build equity over time, they compound goodwill and invest time in building life experiences over decades. The small things matter from a young age, even though we may not appreciate it at the time. There are many fun times, experiences, respect, empathy, sympathy, and some reality checks along the way.
Quality friendships shape us, they guide us, they nurture us, all whilst providing us with a safe place to be vulnerable so we can make our mistakes, or simply learn more life lessons so we can become wiser people in our personal and working lives.
Some friendships go through cycles of closeness and distance. I feel there is a 'building' phase of life where marriage, kids, business, careers or simply life steam roles days into years, and before you know it, a decade disappears. It doesn't mean that the friendship doesn't exist anymore. Distance is sometimes nobody's fault, but understanding the circumstances and putting yourself in the other person's shoes is an empathetic start to reconciling these emotions.
Great friends tend to serve and energise their comrades, they don't take and deplete the other's energy source. This energy source is vital to push on in life. So, provide support, listen, give advice, take advice, and uplift those who require lifting because one day it could be you.
Time is created equal for everyone, how we choose to spend it is what makes it meaningful. It doesn't matter where, it doesn't matter for how long, or at what cost. Spending a meaningful hour with someone rather than a meaningless day is time well spent. Accepting this fact is liberating. My friends and I sometimes talk about how we must spend more time with each other, and 'hang out' like we used to, but it can be tough with life's responsibilities and those moments we prefer to cherish with our children. As we go forward in life I've come to learn (and accept) that true friendship doesn't require more time, it requires 'normal time' in that particular moment in time. Insulating those normal moments amongst the hectic and sometimes pretentious working schedules brings a sense of peace that can't be bought.
Make those moments count. Life makes a lot of demands, including success, failures, children, business, partners, careers, and hobbies. My Mother and Father always taught us the value of love and respect from a young age. 'There will be many times in life when there will be successes and happiness, and you may miss some of these moments in time. But there will also be sadness, make sure you are the first one there to show support. No matter where you are or your circumstances.' I've never forgotten their words, these are my values and I will be teaching them to my children for sure. There will be successes in life, cheer from the sidelines as if they are yours. There will also be adversity, make sure you turn up when it really counts. As my parents used to say, ' This is the true sign of your character and no one can tarnish it, as it lives inside you.'
They are a connection to our past. No matter how much time or distance keeps friends apart as we get older, certain individuals will always provide a connection to our past. There aren't many who can claim this position in life. Although we learn to live in the present, the past acts as a chance to acknowledge how far we have all come, and this nourishment gives us more motivation to figure out the hard choices that lie ahead. It's this bizarre place of vulnerability and confidence that provides the motivation. I've found anything is achievable with an army of a few good friends, even if Mount Everest stands in front of you.
Not all friendships survive. This is a fact of life, people change, and life evolves. This doesn't have to mean bad intent. Friendships are always susceptible to circumstances, let's respect this and have gratitude for the good times.
Support is unseen. Maybe these intangible aspects of life are the tailwinds behind our confidence and success. It instils courage to push through in times of adversity. This is why the small things matter, we only ever come to appreciate the 'small things' on reflection.
Quality friends are anti-fragile. They have a convex payoff. They create equity (you can think of them as options in a business that can turn into substantial equity over time) without having any expectations of receiving anything in return. To serve and provide service doesn't undermine us, it defines the essence of who we are. I've learnt that this idea becomes easier when we start to understand our inner True north, the inner star that guides our actions. If we simply take, it creates an imbalance of equity, which sometimes means bad habits and selfishness creep in. There is no longevity in simply taking.
The Essence of Friendship
The perfect friend to my mind believes in you from the start and never requires explanations or assurances. True friendship is one of the subtle forces that uplift a person in life regardless of circumstances such as success or adversity. Friendship is a relationship with no strings attached except the ones you choose to tie, it's natural and no matter how much time and distance that passes, it simply is, and always will be.
So why bother writing about this
The topic of Friendship isn't an investment topic as such, but to my mind, it has everything to do with becoming a principled and values-driven steward of capital. I am me because of my family values and the people I grew up with which shaped my character. I can't stress it enough. It shapes the way I think, and this translates into my working life more than outsiders could ever know.
I'm grounded to these principles not because I'm great or have a superior moral compass, it's because I have an energy source around me that is so great, that my foundations remain strong. We talk a lot about temperament in the craft of investing and what truly gives the investor an edge.
Temperament is by far the biggest factor for long-term success. You can't fake this for fifty years. It is about knowing who you are as a person before you even attempt to manage your own or others' capital, and the environment that nurtures your brain will infuse into your investing.
Here's a nod to those who make life better. Here's to more... (to be continued)
Author’s Disclaimer
The information contained in this post is for educational purposes only. All written content on this website are the opinions of the author. If shares or strategies are discussed, they should not be deemed as a recommendation to buy or sell any share, product or fund. We may have an interest in a strategy we discuss, and our advisory clients may be beneficiaries of our proprietary methodologies, investment tools and advice. Consult your advisor before making any buying or selling decisions in the public markets. Past performance provides no guarantee for future returns.
